Wedding dance
Awiyao reached for the upper horizontal log
which served as the edge of the head high threshold. Clinging to the to the log, he
lifted himself with one bound that carried him across to the narrow door. He
slid back to cover, stepped inside, then pushed the cover back in place. After
some moments during which he seemed to wait, he talked to the listening
darkness.
“I’m sorry this had to be done. I am really
sorry. But neither of us can help iot.”
The sound of the gangsas beat through the
walls of the dark house, like muffled roars of rolling waters. The woman who
had moved with a start when a sliding door opened had been hearing the gangsas
for she didn’t know how long. The sudden rush of the rich sounds when the door
opened was like a sharp gush of fire in
her. She gave no sign that she heard awiyao, but continued to sit unmoving in
the darkness.
But awiyao knew that she heard him and his
heart pitied her. He crawled on all fours to the middle of the room; he knew
exactly where the stove was. With his fingers, he stirred the covered
smouldering embers, and blew into them. When the coals began to glow, awiyao
put pieces of pine wood on them, then full round logs as big as his arms. The
room brightened.
“Why don’t you go out,” he said, “and join
the dancing women?” he felt a pang inside him, because what he said was really
not the right thing to say and because the woman did not talk or stir.
“You should join the dancers” he said, “as
if nothing has happened.”
He looked at the woman huddled in a corner of the room, leaning against the
wall. The stove fire played with strange moving shadows and lights upon her
face. She was partly sullen, but her sullenness was not because of anger or
hate.
“go out-go out and dance. If you really
don’t hate me for this separation, go out and dance. One of the men will see
you dance well; he will like your dancing; with him, you will be luckier than
you were with me?”
“I don’t want any man,” she said sharply.
‘I don’t want any other man”
He felt relieved that at last she talked.
“You know it very well that I don’t want any other women either. You know that,
don’t you? Lumnay you know it, don’t you?”
She did not answer him, you know it lumnay,
don’t you ?” he repeated.
“yes, I know,” she said weakly.
“it is not my fault, he said, feeling
relieved. “You know cannot blame me; I have been a good husband to you.”
“Neither can you blame me,” she said. She
seemed about to cry.
“you, you have been very good wife. I have
nothing to say against you. “he set some of the burning woods place . it’s only
that a man must have a child. Seven harvests is just too long to wait. Yes, we
have waited long. We should have another chance, before it is too late for both of us.” This time the woman
stirred, stretched her right leg out and bent her left leg in. she wound the
blanket more snugly around herself.
“you know that I had done my best,” she
said. “I have to kabunyan much. I have sacrificed many chickens with my
prayers.”
“yes, I know.
“you remember how angry you were once when
you came home from your work in the
terrace because I butchered one of our pigs without your permission. I did it
to appease kabunyan, because like you , I wanted so much to have a child. But
could I do?”
“kabunyan does not see fit for us to have a
child, he said. He stirred the fire. The sparks rose through the crackles of
the flames. The smoke and soot went up to the ceiling.
Lumnay looked down and unconsciously
started to pull the rattan that kept the split bamboo flooring in place. She
tugged at the rattan flooring. Each time she did this, the split, the split
bamboo went up and came down with a slight rattle. The gongs of the dancers
clamorously called in her ears through the walls.
awiyao went to the corner where lumnay sat, paused before her, looked at her
bronzed and sturdy face, then turned to where the jars of water stood piled one
over other. awiyao took a coconut cup and dipped it in the top jar and drank.
Lumnay had filled the jars from the mountain creek early that evening. “ I came
home,” he said, “ because I did not find you among the dancers; of coarse, I am
not forcing you to come, if you don’t want to join my wedding ceremony. I came
to tell you that madulimay, although I am marrying her, can never become as
good as you are.
She is not as strong in planting beans, not
as fast in cleaning water jars, not as
good in keeping a house clean. You are one of the best wives in the whole
village.” “that had not done me any good, has it?” she said. She looked at him
lovingly. She almost seemed to smile. He put the coconut cup aside on the floor
and came close to her. He held her face between his hands, and looked longingly
at her beauty. But her eyes looked away. Never again would he hold her face,
the next day, she would not be his anymore. She would go back to her parents.
He let go of her face, and she bent to the floor again and looked at her
fingers as they tugged softly at the split of bamboo floor.
“you wish. I will build another house for
madulimay.” “ I have no need for a house,” she said slowly. “I’ll go to my own
house, my parents are old. They will need help in the plantings of the beans in
the pounding of the rice.”
“I will give you the field that I dug out
of the mountain during the first year of our marriage,” he said. “you know I
did it for you. You helped me to make it for the two of us.”
“I have no use for any field,” she said. He
looked at her, then turned away, and became silent.
“go back to the dance,” she said finally.
“it is not right for you to be here. They
will wonder where you are, and madulimay will not feel good.
“go back to the dance”
“I would feel better if you could come, and
dance- for the last time. The gangsas
are playing.” You know that I cannot.”
\
“Lumnay,” he said tenderly. “lumnay, if I
did this, it is because of my need of a child. You know that life is not worth
living without a child. They have mocked me behind my back. You know that.” “I
know it,” she said.” I will pray that kabunyan will blessed you and madulimay.”
She bit her lips now, then shook her head sobbed.
She though of the seven harvest that had passed, the high hopes they had in the
beginning of their new life, the day he took her away from her parents across
the roaring river, on the other side of the mountain, the trip up the trail
which they had to climb, the steep canyon which they had to cross-the waters
boiled in her mind in foams of white and jade and roaring silver, the waters
growled, resounded in thunderous echoes through the walls of the steep cliffs,
they were fart away now but loud still and receding; the waters violently
smashed down from somewhere on the tops
of the other ranges, and they had looked carefully at the buttresses of rocks
they had to step on-a slip would have meant death. They both drank of the
water, then rested on the bank before they made the final climb to the other
side of the mountain. She looked at her face with a playing upon his
features-hard and strong and kind. He had a sense of lightness in his way of
saying things which often made her and the village people laughed. How proud
she had been of his humour. The muscles were taut and firm, bronze and compact
in their hold upon his skull-how frank his bright eyes were. She looked at this
body that carved out of the mountains five fields for her; his wide and supple
torso heaved as if a slab of shining lumber were having; his arms and legs
flowed down in fluent miuscles-he was strong and for that she had lost him.
She flung herself upon his knees and clung
to them. “awiyao,awiyao, my husband.” She cried. I did everything to have a
child, she said passionately in a hoarse whisper. She took away the blanket
that covered her. Looked at me,” she said. “looked at my body. Then it was full
of promise. Then it would dance, it could work fast in the field, it could
climb the mountains like. Even now it is firm full but awiyao, kabunyan never
blessed me awiyao, kabundan is cruel to me awiyao. I am useless. I must die.
It will not be right to die, he said
gathering her in his arms. Her whole warm naked I breast quivered against his own
she chin
